The Best Part of Me, was always HIM

Last night I dreamt of HIM again.

He was searching for me. He found me in my dreams. He wanted to say he was sorry for leaving me before and wanted to reconcile our lost friendship. He said he wanted to stay with me forever. He held my hand as we walked in this fictional place. He wanted to turn our beloved friendship into more. He looked similar to how I remember him. My mind turned his hair a darker blonde and his eyes were a darker blue. The love we had before poured out of him and into the hole he left in my heart.
It's like he is saying, "I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing."

I hated to wake up from this dream. Should I try and find him again? Is it worth the pain of rejection? I suffered a deep depression for a long time because of this. Is the risk of finding a reward, worth the pain?

*sigh*